53 Funny Retirement Quotes

Quotes & Sayings  -   

1. Live life even more - walk out of here and shut the door Julie Hebert, Today - Retirement Poems




2. Up, sluggard, and waste not life; in the grave will be sleeping enough. Ben Franklin




3. Retirement is the only time when you can live by the motto: "Why put off till tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely?"




4. Good luck in your new endeavors! May those endeavors require lots of breaks!! - Retirement Sayings





5. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before your boss does. Author Unknown




6. Fishing Yesterday, Fishing Today, Fishing Tomorrow I must be retired. Author Unknown - Retirement Messages




7. Life for you will be so grand...no more alarm clocks and no more worrying about being docked. C. A. Lynch - Retirement Poems For Coworkers




8. In retirement, every day is a Saturday, and Mondays are just a distant, fading myth.




9. Retirement is a new stage - it doesn't mean you have aged. C. A. Lynch - Retirement Poems For Friends




10. No more tests to mark, no more recess breaks, no more loud remarks, no more putting on the brakes. Tom S. Gold, No More - Retirement Poems For A Teacher





11. Retirement is the beginning of an endless summer full of smiles and laughter! C. A. Lynch




12. Looking forward to retirement at sixty and sixty-five, Seventy through to 90, blessed to still be alive. Julie Hebert




13. Retirement: the only time you can finally master the art of napping without guilt or judgment




14. Retirement is the time when you never do all the things you intended to do when you were still working. Author Unknown - Retirement Wishes




15. When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you. Gene Perret





16. Retirement is waking up in the morning with nothing to do and by bedtime having done only half of it. Author Unknown




17. Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.....But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. Phyllis Diller




18. May your retirement days be a reality of the days that you once only dreamed of. B. Clements




19. Now that I'm retired, my favorite exercise is going from 'Couch' to 'Fridge' and back again.




20. In your retirement years never drink coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake in the afternoon. Author Unknown - Cheers To Retirement




21. Who would think a challenge in retirement you would see....you no longer have the challenge of what do I wear, you don't even have to smile, you can be a bear. C. A. Lynch, A Challenge In Retirement? - Retirement Challenges




22. No more hard times, only good times face you as you hit the golf course.





23. When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. Chi Chi Rodriguez




24. Retirement is what we all work our lives to get to! Julie Hebert




25. May you travel to new destinations, with freedom in your hair. Julie Hebert - Your New Life Begins




26. In retirement, I look for days off from my days off. Mason Cooley




27. In retirement, I've discovered the secret to a happy life: it involves less traffic and more pajamas.




28. Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese. Gene Perret - Now Is The Time Poem




29. The worst thing about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own time. Author Unknown - Retirement Again




30. Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.
    Jonathan Clements





31. Indulge in hobbies, explore new lands, just remember, napping is always in demand! - Retirement Verses For Cards




32. Retirement is a celebration where Monday mornings and alarm clocks are kicked to the curb, and lazy Sundays become a full-time gig. Every day is a cause for celebration! C. A. Lynch
    Celebration Poems




33. Retiring from nursing may mean the end of the shift, but it doesn't have to be the end of the laughter! C. A. Lynch - Retirement Poems For Nurses




34. Retirement: where you trade in your time clock for a sundial and realize it's always 'happy hour' somewhere!




35. Retirement: No clock, no deadlines, no stress, no money! Author Unknown - Retirement Wishes For A Friend




36. Don't worry about avoiding temptation ...As you grow older, it will avoid you. Winston Churchill





37. What do you call someone who's happy on Mondays? Retired! Author Unknown




38. Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. Will Rogers




39. It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man. Scott Elledge




40. I'm retired - goodbye tension, hello pension! Author Unknown




41. Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house. Author Unknown
    Retirement Wishes For Nurses




42. I've always had a love for my job, but I think my love will be stronger relaxing on my couch!  Julie Hebert




43. Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.  Gene Perret





44. The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. Abe Lemons




45. A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job. Ella Harris




46. Retirement: World's longest coffee break. Author Unknown




47. When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. R.C. Sherriff




48. I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy.
    Danny McGoorty




49. Retirement, when every day is Saturday!




50. The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.  Abe Lemons




51. Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.
    Gene Perret




52. Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.
    Gene Perret




53. I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron.
    Hartman Jule